April 2, 2006

In need of a schmear

So I’ve been in a missing New York mood lately. The past couple of days I’ve been listening to WNYC radio on the web and wondering what spring is like there. I heard it was warm this weekend and I started thinking back about all the early warm weekend spring mornings in Brooklyn when you finally realize you made it through another cold dirty winter. Spring fever hits and you get all excited and overcome that you might miss the cherry blossoms in the Brooklyn Botanical or the magnolia tree in the Shakespeare Garden in Central Park. East Village streets are suddenly a colorful show of one-upmanship individuality, and you tear through your closets and haul big bags to the Salvation Army and make numerous stops at H&M (and secretly to Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters although you rarely mention this to anyone) and you start making plans for your summer escapes, and the Mermaid parade is just around the corner and the Prospect Park and Summer Stage schedules are out and 4th of July is a hit or miss depending on your motivation to find or throw a good party and the summer will be too hot and seem endless and it will be over before you know it.

I also made bagels in my New Yorkerishness. They came out like rocks.

But I know the truth and it isn’t that I’m homesick for New York -- at least not the real New York. I might say I was homesick for the myth of New York were it not for the fact that I know what the real problem is. It isn't that I want to be there (or the
there of my hand-colored memories) it's that I don’t know how to be here. I have a pretty hard time just sitting still and enjoying where I am now. I have a world of possibilities in my lap. It’s not often in your life that you get a start from scratch moment, and even rarer that you have the time and freedom to actually do something with the moment. All I'm doing is finding ways to avoid it. I have a list of potential projects to get started and I procrastinate and dodge around the issues. Right now I should be putting together information for an Ayurveda workshop. A real basic introduction, but I want to make it good of course so I’m combining over books and even the Upanishads but I have to organize my notes, and translate them into Portuguese, and make up some handouts – and I have to do it before I leave on April 12th for two weeks at the yoga school down south.

And I’m not sure if I even want to be teaching yoga, (or related) – or if I really do like teaching and I’m just resisting because the language thing takes a lot of work and I’m lazy, or if I really just want to focus on other things, and just teach a little on the side (I would say keep it on the side just for the extra income, except it doesn’t pay CRAP.)

C and I have submitted a proposal for a film to a festival of shorts. We have to have it shot and edited and ready to go by the end of May – it’s only going to be 15 minutes or so. We’re going to use Geralda as the subject matter of the film, but deal also with American vs Brazilian attitudes towards maids and class and poverty. Well, that’s the idea anyway – and if it is ever going to be a reality, I need to stop messing around and post this and start preparing a production schedule and script….

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